


Be More Chill Evan Hansen Fairytales

by BooksRBetterThanPeople



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Be More Chill - Ned Vizinni, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson, Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: AU, Basically, Beauty and the Beast, Boyf, Boyfriends, Brooke would be, Chloe’s prince, Cinderella - Freeform, Cinnabun, Classic fairytales, Crack, Crack parodies, Disney fairytales, Evan is a pretty princess, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fairy Tales, Gay, Grimm’s Fairytales, Hansel and Gretel - Freeform, Heathers - Freeform, I take requests, Jeremy’s a prince, Kleinsen, LGBT, Little Red Riding Hood - Freeform, M/M, Michael’s a princess, Or evil queen, Pinkberry, Princess and the Frog, Requests, Rich in a tiara?, Sleeping Beauty - Freeform, Snow White - Freeform, Spoof, Sports Bros, Squip is a witch, Tree Bros, arsonbros, expensive headphones, galaxy girls, gay couples, in most of these, kleinphy, no one is straight, pins and patches, rapunzel - Freeform, riends, so much crack, squip squad, yes please!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-03-07
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22284808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooksRBetterThanPeople/pseuds/BooksRBetterThanPeople
Summary: See your favorite angsty Musical characters become the characters of classic fairytales. I take requests
Relationships: Alana Beck/Zoe Murphy, Brooke Lohst & Michael Mell, Brooke Lohst/Chloe Valentine, Chloe Valentine/Jenna Rolan, Christine Canigula & Zoe Murphy, Christine Canigula/Jenna Rolan, Evan Hansen & Jeremy Heere & Veronica Sawyer, Evan Hansen/Connor Murphy, Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman, Heather McNamara/Veronica Sawyer, Jake Dillinger/Jeremy Heere, Jason "J. D." Dean/Veronica Sawyer, Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell, Kurt Kelly/Ram Sweeney, Rich Goranski/Jake Dillinger, Rich Goranski/Michael Mell, connor murphy/jared kleinman
Comments: 21
Kudos: 45





	1. Little Red Riding Hoodie

_ Little Red Riding Hoodie was looking through his closet to decide which one of his many hoodies he would wear for a journey across the forest _

** He finally settled for a hoodie covered with multiple patches he had stitched on himself **

Michael: You know, if I had the guts, I would be Little White Turtleneck. And by "guts," I mean "body."

** He slips the hoodie on just as one of his mothers walks in his room with a picnic basket **

Mrs. Mell: Mahal, don't forget this basket of food for Lola.  ** She hands him the basket **

Michael: This whole thing is way too heavy.  ** He looks inside ** Wh-why are you putting a bag of ice in here? Is this... is this a Coors Party Ball? Is Lola going to be entertaining Florida Jet Ski people? 

Mrs. Mell: Remember, stay on the path and you'll be fine.

Michael: Oh, yes, great advice from mother of the year. You do realize Lola lives 68 miles away, right? You-you're sending your child out there to die.

** He walks out the house and heads to  ~~ certain doom ~~ Lola’s house in the woods **

Michael: ♪ Tra-la-la-la-la ♪ ♪ Skipping song, skipping song ♪ ♪ This is why people call me gay. ♪

** Michael passes by a bush and hears peculiar rustling. He steps closer to the bush when suddenly, a wolf, dressed in a blue cardigan and jeans, pops out from the bush and bares his teeth at the unsuspecting boy. Michael is somehow unfazed **

Michael: Oh, hey. You're the wolf, right?

Jeremy: Yup, and don't forget "big" and "bad."  ** He flashes a sharp-toothed smile **

Michael:  ** Chuckles ** Nah, it’s more like “tall”, and “nerdy”.

Jeremy:  ** Disappointed ** Yeah, you’re right.

**They’re now walking down the path together**

Michael: So, um, what happened with you and those three little pigs? Wh-Why did you want to eat them so badly?

Jeremy: It-it's so amazing that that's what people think happened. First of all, I didn't want to eat them, all right? I wanted to talk to one of them.

Michael: About what?

Jeremy: Well, she was my ex-girlfriend, and I believed I was due an explanation about why she was sleeping with one of her friends.

Michael: All right, well, I'm off to my Lola’s, but before I go, I’m going to pick some flowers for her because apparently that’s what I do in this story.

** Once he disappears into the forest, Jeremy smirks evilly then runs down the path. Michael walks back to the path with a bouquet of flowers in his hands **

Michael: Alright, got the flowers. Now I’m gonna turn around and see that you’re not there anymore.  ** He does so and doesn’t see Jeremy  ** Alright. Now I’m going to regret giving him my Lola’s address... Regretting it.

** Lola and Lolo’s house- Jared is putting on his boots while Alana reads **

Alana: Where are you going, dear?

Jared: I got to go check on my shoe apartment complex. Old woman breeds like a gopher.

** Once Jared leaves the house and walks down the path, Jeremy comes out of hiding from one of the bushes and knocks on the door **

Alana:  ** She sets her book down and goesto the door ** Who is it?

Jeremy Imitating Michael: It's your grandson, Michael.

Alana: How do I know it's you?

Jeremy:  ** Whispers ** Oh, come on, that's a perfect imitation.  ** Imitates Michael ** Open up. I brought strawberry shortcake and Mountain Dew.

Alana: And what?

Jeremy: Oh, sorry. I mean Mountain Dew Red.

Alana: That's my boy. **She opens the door, and to her shock, finds the wolf** Oh, my God!... Good impression.

Jeremy: Thanks.

** He approaches Alana menacingly, as she backs up against a wall **

** Some time later, Michael arrives at the house and knocks on the door **

High-pitched voice: Come in.

** Michael walks in the house and honestly doesn’t know how to respond to what he’s looking at right now. The wolf is in the bed, dressed as Alana **

Michael: Who the hell are you?

Jeremy: Why, your Lola, of course.

Michael:  ** Sighs ** Alright, fine. I guess we're doing this. My, what big eyes you have, Lola.

Jeremy: All the better to see you with, dear.

Michael: My, what big... You know what? I-I'm sorry, I-I can't. I-I can't do this. I-I'm not an idiot. My Lola is a human woman! How-how was this ever a scene?

_ Thank you! Someone gets it! _

Jeremy: ** He gets out the bed, and is covered in blood stains ** Alright! Fine, yes. It's me, the wolf.

Michael: Do we have to do this? It's insulting!

Jeremy: I don't know why you're complaining. I'm the one who's about to get violently bisected by the woodsman. 

Michael: What woodsman?

**The door breaks down to reveal Rich on the other side with a chainsaw and a maniacal look on his face**

Rich: Come at me tall-ass!

** He runs up to Jeremy and violently cuts him open with the chainsaw, getting blood all over the room and some on Michael as well. Alana, somehow still alive, is now sitting in the bloody remains of the wolf, and Rich runs out the house **

Michael: ... You know, I'm not sure if that's our hero or just a lunatic going house to house murdering people.

** From the distance, Rich can be heard **

Rich: Come at me tall-asses!

** The chainsaw is heard buzzing followed by the screams  of a woman **

Michael: Yeah! See? He-he-he just did it again... I think we should... I think we should call somebody.

** The End **


	2. Micunzel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This was good. I liked it a lot! Can you maybe write a Tangled AU with Michael as Repunzel and Jeremy as Flynn. Michael's hair is short and brown, but still magical. Michael can just let down like a rope or super long hoodie sleeves or something. One striking thing about Michael is that his eyes are multicolored. Not heterochromia or anything, but literally rainbow, pastel colors. Thank you. Sorry this was so long.  
> Requested by: shippingismylife321

Jeremy:  _My name is Jeremy Heere. And this is the story of how I died... Lemme start from the beginning... Once upon a time, or, like seventeen years ago, there lived two queens. Queen Leona, and Queen Melanie. One day, Queen Leona fell ill while she was nine months pregnant. Queen Melanie searched all over the kingdom for a cure, until she finally found it. The Rainbow Drop flower. Legends were told about how thousands of years ago, a spec of the sun fell into a puddle of water, producing a multicolored flower that is said to do wondrous things. Heal the sick, create potions, and restore youth. _ _What no one knew was that someone had already discovered the flower... Eric Squip. He was very old, and very desperate to look and stay younger. To do that, he had to sing a special song to the flower_

  
Flower, colors burst

Add color to the dreary sky

Love who have been lost

And let your colors shine

Love who have been hurt

Stay with those who care

Save all those in need

And let your colors shine

Your colors shine...

Jeremy:  _Freaky, right? He’s been doing this for hundreds of years. But then one night, Queen Melanie and her knights found the flower and took it back to the kingdom. Eric was devastated, and ready to take it back..._ _Well, that’d be kinda hard. You see, they mixed it with soup and gave it to Queen Leona, healing her, and just in time._ _A week later, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy who was born with beautiful multicolored eyes, every color of the rainbow. That baby? His name was Michael._

_Everything was perfect... And then it wasn’t._

_Eric broke into the Queen and Queen’s bedroom one night and tried to harness the magic of the Rainbow Drop through Michael._ _One snip of his magic hair, and the magic faded._ _Now he had two options, either be a decent human being, not kidnap the royal baby and die, or take the royal baby and stay young forever..._ _Word got out that the baby had been kidnapped. The queens grieved the loss of their son, and spent years trying to find him._ _Meanwhile, Eric kept Michael captive in a tall tower hidden in the middle of the woods and raised the child as his own. Eric had found his new magic flower, and he was determined to keep it hidden..._ _Selfish, right?_ _Everything stayed just the way it was... For seventeen years..._

** Michael, over the years, had become very beautiful, but he never heard it. Wow, great parenting, Eric. Right now, he was in his room looking for something **

Michael:  ** He opens his closet door ** Found you!  ** A black cat jumps out the closet  ** What were you even doing in the closet, Connor?

** Connor just hisses **

Michael: Really? You’re gonna be mean to me the day before my Birthday?... Yeah, I expect that from you. But come on! Be happy for me! I’m turning seventeen, so I’ll finally be allowed to go outside!... Maybe. I mean, dad did technically say, “When you’re older.”, but I’m sure seventeen is old enough, right?

** Connor just licks his paw **

Michael: Yeah! That is enough! Besides, he can’t keep me here forever... Right?

Eric: **From outside** Michael!

** Speak of the devil **

Michael: Coming, dad!

** He runs out his room and makes his way to the tower’s balcony. He looks down from the balcony and sees his  ~~ captor ~~ dad, Eric Squip **

Eric: Let down your sleeves!

** On a nearby table sat a red hoodie with incredibly long sleeves. Michael puts on the hoodie and tosses the ends of the sleeves over the balcony so his dad can climb them, because for some weird reason, the tower has no doors, or stairs. His dad finally makes it up to the balcony **

Michael: Welcome back, dad.

Eric: Hey, slugger! **He tussles his hair** So, what have you been up to? **He goes into the kitchen**

Michael: Well... You know how my seventeenth birthday is tomorrow?

Eric:  ** Feigning shock  ** It is? Well, time does fly, doesn’t it?

Michael: Yeah, and... I just thought that... Maybe I’d be old enough to go outside?

Eric: ...  **Suddenly changing the subject** So, what are you thinking for dinner tonight? I was in the market and picked up some roasted turkey-

Michael: Dad. I’m serious, I really want to go outside this year. You’re always saying I can go out when I’m old enough, I think seventeen is an appropriate age.

Eric:  ** Sighs and walks over to him ** Michael, **Cups his cheeks** my dead, sweet Rainbow Child... Believe me, I would love to let you leave the tower, but... I’m afraid it’s-

Michael: Just too dangerous. I know. But dad-

Eric: And while I was in the market, you wouldn’t believe how many wanted posters there were!

Michael:  ** Now scared ** How many?

Eric:  ** Smirks ** Let’s just say, it’ll take a while to clean them all up. I actually grabbed three.  ** From his satchel, he pulls out three wanted posters and hands each one to Michael ** Jake Dillinger, Rich Goranski, and Jeremy Heere. Terrible men, really. See? There are three dangerous criminals running amok. What kind of father would I be if I let you out, and you got kidnapped? Who knows?... They’re probably after your hair.

** Michael tugs on the strands of hair that was cut years ago. What was once a rich brown, is now reduced to coal black **

Michael:  ** He sighs in defeat  ** Alright dad. I guess, next year?

Eric: We’ll see, Rainbow Child. We’ll see. Now, I have to run out to the market later, and I’ll be gone for quite a while. Remember-

Michael: Don’t let anyone else up, I know.

** Eric makes his way to his room, leaving Michael alone with the posters still in his hand **

Jeremy: _ Wow. Well, I call that A+ parenting. How ‘bout you guys? Well, let’s move on. This is the part where I come in. _

** Jeremy Heere was well-known throughout the kingdom... As a thief. Just today, he and his partners in crime, Rich Goranski, and Jake Dillinger had stolen the prince’s crown, which was reserved for the lost prince when he made his return to the kingdom. They were walking through the forest, looking for a place to lay low until the knights stopped hunting them down **

Rich: Ha! I did not think we would pull that off! They could’ve at least put that thing in some sort of vault, or something! That was too easy!

Jake: Well now we gotta hide out somewhere. If those knights find us, they’re gonna behead us for the whole kingdom to see!

Jeremy: Guys, we’ll be fine.

Jake: Really? What are the odds that we’re gonna find some place to hide and keep the crown for ourselves that no one would ever think to- Oh, look at that.

** They make it out of the forest and find the tower **

Rich: That’ll work.

Jeremy: I guess, but how are we gonna get up there?

** His question has been answered. Michael’s long hoodie sleeves drop down from the balcony **

Rich: Those are some long-ass sleeves...

** Eric climbs down the sleeves **

Eric: Let up your sleeves!

** The thieves watch as the sleeves go back up to the balcony, and the strange man disappears into the forest. Once he’s gone, they approach the tower **

Jeremy: Who else do you think is up there?

Jake: Let’s find out.  ** He pulls two axes out from his bag ** Grab onto my legs, and don’t look down.

** In his room, Michael is brushing Connor’s fur **

Michael: I feel like he doesn’t want me to leave! I mean, what’s out there that’s so dangerous? I’m gonna be seventeen, I can handle myself! Right?! **Connor just gives him a deadpanned look** Right! I can handle what comes my way, because I’m a mature, smart, brave- **Glass breaks** Oh God! A murderer is in the tower! **Connor jumps off the bed and runs out the room** Whispering Connor! Get back here!

**He tiptoes out his room as quietly as he can, and finds the intruders looking around the tower**

Michael: ...  ** He remembers the wanted posters Eric showed him ** It’s them.  ** Connor nudges his leg and pushes a frying pan over to him ** ... Okay... I can do this. Just three hits over the heads. I got this.

Rich: Pretty nice place. Alright, let’s go find the other guy that’s up he-  ** He passes out on the floor **

Jake: Rich! Crap! He knows we’re-  ** He passes out on the floor **

Jeremy: **He looks around the room** Hello? Look, we’re not gonna hurt you. We just-  ** He passes out on the floor, and Michael is standing right behind him with the frying pan raised in the air **

Michael: ... I did it... I DID IT! Ha! I showed you, dad! I took care of myself, and knocked out three dangerous criminals! Whoo!

** Some time later, the three wake up, and are bound to chairs by Michael’s hoodie sleeves **

Rich: What the hell?

Michael: Oh, good! You’re awake. Thought I knocked you guys out too hard.

Rich: What’s going on? Who are you?

Michael: That’s not important! I wanna know how you guys found me!

Jake:  ** Testing him ** What if we don’t talk?

Michael: Then I’ll just dangle you over the balcony until all the blood rushes to your head!

Jake: ... Okay, that was disturbing.

Jeremy: Look, we were just walking through the forest, for no particular reason, and we happened to find your tower... Wait. Where’s the bag?

Jake: Crap! Where is it?! Where did you put it?!

Michael: What’s in it that’s so important?

Rich: None of your busine- OW!  ** He looks down and sees Connor scratching his leg  ** Control your cat!

Michael: I don’t control him, he does whatever wants.

Jeremy: Come on, we need that bag. We can’t tell you why, we just really need it.

Michael: And why should I trust you guys? You’re wanted criminals! I’ve seen your posters!

Rich: Damn... Okay, I didn’t wanna have to do this but... I’m totally Bi. **He raises his eyebrow**

Michael: ... You’re not my type.

Rich: WHAT?!

Jeremy: Look, what do you want? We can get you a cut of what we stole.

Michael:  ** He thinks for a moment, then suddenly gets an idea ** Okay. You can have the bag. But, you have to take me outside.

Jeremy: Can’t you go out by yourself?

Michael: No, my dad forbids it because apparently the outside world is dangerous.

Rich: Smart man.

Michael: So? Do we have a deal?

Jake:  ** He exchanges glances with Jeremy and Rich who nod ** Deal. Now, can you untie us?

Michael: Sure.  ** He unravels the sleeves, freeing them ** Now come on! I gotta see what’s beyond this tower! C’mon, Connor! You’re coming with me!  ** Connor jumps onto his shoulder **

Jeremy: Well, there’s a lot.  ** While he’s talking, Michael ties the end of his sleeve to the balcony railing ** There’s some villages, a few stores, schools...

Jake: He jumped.

Jeremy: What?!  ** He looks over the balcony and sees Michael scaling the tower wall with the sleeves **

Michael: This is awesome! You guys gotta try this!

Jake: Best abs first!  ** He jumps off the balcony and slides down the hoodie sleeve **

Rich: You ass!  ** He slides down after Jake **

Jeremy: I’m now regretting this.  ** He unties the hoodie from the railing and scales down the castle wall with the two axes  ** So, we didn’t catch your name. I mean, you’ve seen our wanted posters, I think we should-

Michael: Oh, I’m Michael! And this is amazing! I’m actually outside! I’ve never been outside! Oh my God!  ** His multicolored eyes begin to glow brightly the more excited he gets **

Rich: He seems happy.

Jeremy: His eyes are glowing! Is that normal?

Michael:  ** Now devastated, and the glow of his eyes dim ** What if dad finds out? Oh God, I’m never gonna hear the end of it!

Jake: Now sad?

Michael:  ** Happy again ** Who cares?! I’m never going back! I’m free!  
 **Devastated again ** I am a despicable human being! I am a disgrace!...  
 **Happy again ** I LOVE OUTSIDE!

Jake: This boy is insane.  ** Connor scratches he leg ** Ow! Screw you, emo cat!

Jeremy: Come on, his dad is strict, and has never let him go outside before. It’s kinda cute how he’s just seeing all of this now.

Rich: GAAAAYY!

Jeremy:  ** Blushes ** Rich! I don’t mean it like that!

Rich: Shut up, we know you’re Bi. Alright, Mike, let’s go expose you!

Jake: Rich, do not taint his innocent mind.

** After an hour of walking, and avoiding palace guards that roam the woods, the four (Plus the cat) made it to a pub called ‘Heathers Candy Store’ **

Jake: Alright, you’re gonna love this place.

Michael: “Heathers Candy Store”? I love candy!

Jeremy: Me too!

** When they go inside, it’s not at all what Michael expected. Instead of patrons wearing pastels and eating candy, there were thugs wearing black and drinking beer **

Michael: ... Oh boy.  ** A knife is thrown and nearly hits his head ** This is not what I had in mind.

Jake: Don’t worry! You’ll love this place!

** Jared grabs the end of one of his sleeves **

Jared: These are some long-ass sleeves. **Michael grabs the sleeve back**

Rich: Hey guys! We got a fresh one!

** Everyone turns their attention to Michael, and he immediately pulls his hood over his head to avoid their gazes **

Female voice: Oh my God! He is adorable!

Rich: Brooke! My girl!

Jeremy:  ** He takes Michael’s hand and leads him to a table ** C’mon, you gotta meet the others.

 ** When their hands made contact, Michael’s multicolored eyes shined for reasons he couldn’t quite understand. This usually only happened when he felt very strong emotions.  ** ** Once they made it to the table, Michael was greeted by four girls. Chloe Valentine, a skilled archer, Brooke Lohst, a well respected horseback rider, Jenna Rolan, the town crier, and Christine Canigula, a local theatre critic **

Jeremy: Guys, this is Michael. We sorta found him after-

Jenna: You stole from the Royal family? We know, it’s all everyone is talking about.

Chloe: Back to Michael. Where did you find him?

Michael: In a tower isolated from everyone and everything.  ** Connor leaps onto the table ** Except this guy.

Christine: That’s terrible! Whoever kept you up there all your life is a horrible, no-good-

Michael: He’s my dad.

Christine: ... I’ll just stay quiet.

Brooke: But why would he just keep you locked up there? Why not share your cute face with everyone? Guys, are you not seeing how adorable he is?!  ** She immediately hugs him **

Jenna: Am I the only one who’s wondering why you kidnapped him?

Jeremy: We didn’t kidnap him, he wanted to leave!

Michael: And I’m going back. I just wanna see what else there is besides the tower. When this is all over, I’ll be back before my dad even realizes I’m gone.

Chloe: Well let’s get out of here, then. Nothing exciting ever happens in this bar.

** Three female barkeeps dressed in red, yellow, and green outfits are taking turns punching a man dressed in all black while another barkeep dressed in blue restrains him so he can’t hit back **

Chloe: Heather! We’re taking the escape hatch!

Heather C: Whatever, bitch! Just help that boy!

Chloe:  ** She leads the group behind the bar and opens a hatch embedded in the floor, revealing a well-dug tunnel ** This’ll take us all around the kingdom.

Michael: This is awesome!

Rich: Hermits first.

Michael: I’m not a hermit by choice!  ** He jumps down the hatch with Connor in his arms, followed by Jenna and Christine who are holding the end of his sleeves **

** Before Jeremy can go, the door burst open revealing a brigade of knights, and a horse with a golden mane and a baby-blue saddle **

Jeremy: Oh, God, it’s Evan.

Rich:  ** Whispers ** Not him! Go, go!

** They quickly go down the escape hatch, while making sure they don’t leave any evidence of them being there **

** A knight steps forward and holds up Jeremy, Jake, and Rich’s wanted posters **

Knight: Have any of you seen these three?

** No one in the bar says a thing until... **

Heather D.: Sorry, but, we don’t snitch.  ** She grabs a liquor bottle and hits the end against a table, sharpening it  ** So why don’t you get on your horse, and beat it?

**The knights stare intensely at the bar patrons, until finally someone breaks the silence by throwing a knife that nearly hits one of the knight’s head**

Knight: ATTACK!

** The knights and the bar patrons start brawling while the main group continues through the escape tunnel **

Christine:  ** Hearing the bar fight ** What is going on up there?

Jake: The knights, and Evan walked in, and are now trying to find and kill us. And, probably you guys because you helped us escape.

Jenna: Oh, hell no! I am not getting in trouble with that horse!  ** She runs past the group **

Michael:  ** To Jeremy ** So, what did you guys do exactly? I know you stole from the royals, but what, exactly?

Jeremy: Oh. Well, we stole the prince’s crown.

Michael: What prince?

Christine: What do you mean, “what prince?”? Everyone knows the story. The village even put on a play! But, the queens found it offensive, and had the production closed.

Michael: I don’t know the story.

Christine: Well, seventeen years ago, Queen Leona gave birth to a boy after she made a recovery when she got sick.

Jeremy: She got better when she had soup made from the Rainbow Drop flower. People say the flower is magic, and some of the magic went into the baby. Everything was great... Until the baby was kidnapped. No one knew what happened to him.

Michael: That’s awful.

Chloe: I just hope he’s okay. When I find out who kidnapped him, they’re gonna get the business end of my arrow!

Michael: ... You are beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

Chloe: Aaw!  I like you too!

Jenna:  ** From a distance ** Guys! It’s getting kinda dark! Does anyone have a lantern?

Everyone: No!

Jenna: Well, I can‘t see a thing, and I keep bumping into walls!

Michael: I think I can help with that.

Jake: Oh, cool. You have a lantern?

Michael: Not exactly...   
_ Flower, colors burst   
Add color to the dreary sky   
Love who have been lost   
And let your colors shine _

** His hair starts glowing a bright red, much to everyone’s shock. Connor just smirks **

Jenna: What’s happening? Who’s singing?

Michael: _Love who have been hurt  
_ _Stay with those who care  
_ _Save all those in need  
_ _And let your colors shine  
_ _Your colors shine_...  ** His hair illuminates the whole tunnel   
**Alright, now we can see!  ** He continues walking through the tunnel, ignoring everyone’s dropped jaws and puzzled looks **

Jeremy:  ** Still in shock  ** He has magic hair that glows when he sings...

** The group eventually make it to a hatch in the ceiling, and once they crawl out, they find themselves in the middle of the village **

Michael: Alright! We’re here!

Jeremy: ** Still in shock ** He has magic hair that glows when he sings.

Christine: How many times are you gonna keep saying that?

Jeremy: You’re not curious as to, oh, I don’t know, how he can do that?!

Jake: I’d also like an explanation.

Michael: I’ll explain later! I gotta see everything! Come on!  ** He drags Jeremy along with him while he holds up his hoodie sleeves **

Christine: ... So they like each other, right?

Jake: Oh, for sure.

Chloe: It’s so obvious.

Rich: This is like the third time they’ve held hands.

** The day is spent with the group showing Michael around the kingdom. It even comes to a point where they have Michael’s sleeves cut shorter since they kept getting in his way (He couldn’t be happier). They then approach a mural of the royal family just before the prince went missing **

Christine: I hope wherever the prince is, he’s getting all the love he deserves.

_ Don’t worry, Christine, he is _

Brooke: Hey! They’re doing free boat rides! **She t** **akes Chloe’s hands ** Let’s go get in one!

Chloe:  ** Chuckles ** Alright.  ** Brooke is already leading her to the boats **

Michael: Aw! They’re so cute together!

Jeremy: Yeah, they’re a pretty good match.  ** He suddenly blushes when he realizes he’s holding Michael’s hand  ** Oh! Um... Do you wanna... Y’know, g-get in a-

Michael:  ** He laughs ** A boat? Yeah.  ** His eyes once again glow brightly as he leads Jeremy ** ** to the boats **

Rich:  ** To Jenna ** How did you get them to hold hands without them noticing?

Jenna: A lady never tells her secrets. C’mon Chrissy.  ** She leads Christine over to the boats **

** That just leaves Rich and Jake **

Rich: ... Bros?  ** Holds up his fist **

Jake: Bros.  ** He fist bumps Rich and they follow the others **

** The boat rides go off perfectly. Brooke and Chloe are already kissing passionately. Christine is snuggling up against Jenna as she runs her fingers through her hair. Rich and Jake set aside their bro pact, and proceed to make out shirtless. That just leaves Jeremy and Michael, unsure what to do, while Connor just sits on the edge of the boat, bored of the lack of friction between the two **

Jeremy: So... How long has your hair been able to glow? If you don’t mind me asking.

Michael: Since I was born. Dad always said that people would try to cut it to steal its magic. But, once it’s cut...  ** He shows Jeremy the darks strands  ** The magic is gone.

Jeremy: So that’s why your dad kept you in that tower for all those years.

Michael: Pretty much, yeah. It can also heal sickness, and physical pain.

Jeremy:  ** Chuckles  ** Bet it can’t heal my scars.

Michael: Well, let’s see.

Jeremy: What! No! It wouldn’t be right. I mean, your dad hid you because of this, and-

Michael: But I want to do it... Let me help you...

Jeremy: ... Okay.  **He lifts up his shirt to reveal dozens of scars going down his back. Michael tries to hold back his tears** That bad, huh?

Michael: Jere... How did this happen?

Jeremy: Well, I sorta pissed off the wrong guys.

Michael:  ** He rests his head against Jeremy’s back, and starts singing **

Flower, colors burst

Add color to the dreary sky

Love who have been lost

And let your colors shine

** His hair starts glowing, and so do Jeremy’s scars **

Love who have been hurt

Stay with those who care

Save all those in need

And let your colors shine

Your colors shine...

** Once he lifts his head up, Jeremy’s scars disappear **

Michael: How do you feel?...

Jeremy: ... Amazing. Thank you...

** Michael’s eyes once again glow brightly **

Jeremy: I’ve been meaning to ask. What do your eyes glowing mean?

Michael: Well, it happens when I feel strong emotions. Joy, sadness, anger-

Jeremy: And love?...

Michael:  ** He starts blushing ** Yeah...

Jeremy: ... Well, I don’t know if you know it, but it’s midnight... Happy Birthday.  ** He takes Michael’s hands in his **

Michael: Thank you...

** There’s only silence now. Not awkward uncomfortable silence, though. They lean in slowly, savoring every second. Before their lips are even an inch away, a hooded figure pulls Michael into their boat as he kicks and screams **

Jeremy: Michael!

Hooded figure: Stay away from him.

Michael: Let go of me!

Hooded figure: Is that any way to behave, Rainbow Child?

** Michael immediately realizes who the hooded figure is **

Michael: Dad?! What are you doing?!

Eric: You shouldn’t have left me, Michael!  ** He removes his hood to reveal gray hair, and wrinkles all over his face **

Michael: What happened to you?!

Eric: Enough!  ** Turns to Jeremy  ** Don’t look for him!  ** He reaches behind him and pulls out a frying pan, then hits Jeremy over the head, knocking him unconscious **

Michael: JEREMY!

** Connor prepares to pounce on Eric, but he grabs the cat and stuffs him in a sack **

Eric:  ** He starts tying Michael up ** When we get back home, you are in so much trouble.  ** He rows away while Michael cries out for help **

** Jeremy was drifting off in the boat for about twenty minutes, until he was finally found by Christine and Jenna and pulled him into their boat **

Jenna: ** Shakes him  ** Jeremy, wake up! Come on!

** The others arrive in their boats **

Rich: What’s going on? Where’s Michael?

Christine: We don’t know! Jeremy won’t wake up!

Chloe: I got this.  ** She crosses over to their boat takes off her glove, and smacks Jeremy across the face with it, waking him up **

Jeremy: Michael! ** He gets a look at his surroundings  ** He-He took him! We gotta find him!

Rich: Who took him?!

Jeremy: Th-The guy we saw scaling the tower! He hit me over the head, and, oh God!

Brooke: JEREMY!... We’re gonna find him, okay?

Jeremy: ... Okay.

**Back at the tower, Michael is bound to a chair with rope. Eric approaches him, still looking old and malicious**

Eric: My own son. So defiant... I should’ve expected this.

Michael: Why are you doing this? What happened to you? Why are you so old?!

Eric: Without you around, my youth has been slipping away... Rainbow Child, do you ever wonder how I seem to stay and look so young?

Michael: ... Now that you mention it-

Eric: It’s because of you! The magic you possess keeps me youthful and vibrant!

Michael: But, you always said-

Eric: That people would take advantage of your magic?... I know what I said. And now that you went and told other people what you can do, you’ll never be allowed to set foot outside again! I will board the windows, and keep you locked in your room! They will come for you, and try to steal your magic! You know the story of how a horrible person kidnapped the prince? Well, they’ll do the same to you...

Michael: Yeah... He was kidnapped seventeen years ago. That’s how old I am... He also had brown hair like mine. And in every portrait that was painted before he went missing, he would wear red... My favorite color...

Eric:  ** Getting annoyed ** Rainbow Child, what are you getting at?

Michael: Well, isn’t it strange how I look nothing like you? And how the lost prince and I have the same multicolored eyes? No one else has eyes like mine!... I’m the lost prince, aren’t I?

Eric:  ** He sneers at the boy ** Took you long enough.

Michael: You kidnapped me! You kept me up here my entire life for your own selfish needs!

Eric:  ** He pulls on Michael’s hair ** I’ve had just about enough of you!

Flower, colors burst

Add color to the dreary sky

Love who have been lost

And let your colors shine

Michael: Stop!  ** His hair glows **

Eric: Love who have been hurt

Stay with those who care

Save all those in need

And let your colors shine

Your colors shine... **His hair turns jet black, and his wrinkles disappear** I will keep doing this for as long as I have to, and there’s nothing you or anyone else can do about it!

Jeremy:  ** From outside ** Michael!

Michael: Jeremy?

Eric: Those brats!  **He goes over to the balcony and looks down to find the group scaling the wall with axes** Will they ever stop?!  ** He begins throwing furniture at them, but they skillfully dodge them  ** Michael, we’re leaving!  ** Before he can walk away from the balcony, Jeremy grabs his wrist ** Let go of me!

Jeremy: Not on your life!  **He pulls himself up on the balcony, and pulls a dagger** **out of his boot** Now let him go!

Eric: Over my dead body!  ** An arrow nearly hits his head, but instead hits a cabinet. He turns around and sees Chloe loading another arrow **

Brooke: Chloe only misses on purpose. So let him go.

** Eric has one last idea. He kicks the dagger out of Jeremy’s hand, sending it into the air, and he catches it, then slashes it across Jeremy’s chest **

Jeremy: AAAHH!!

Michael: JEREMY!  ** His eyes glow, much brighter than before **

** Jake and Jenna set Jeremy down on the floor **

Jake: It’s alright, Jere. You’re gonna be okay.

Jeremy:  ** He holds his chest in pain ** No, I’m not...

Rich: Don’t talk like that, Heere!  ** He kneels down beside him ** Stay with us!

Eric: Let’s go, Michael.

Michael: No! Please, you have to let me help him! Please! You can’t leave him like this!...

** Eric sighs in defeat, and unites him. Michael immediately runs over to Jeremy and holds him close **

Michael: Jere, you’re gonna be okay.

Jeremy:  **Breathlessly** Michael... I-I... I’m sorry.

Michael:  **Confused** For what?

Jeremy: ... This.

**He swiftly grabs Rich’s pocket knife from his holster and uses it to cut off some of Michael’s hair, turning the rest of it black, and draining the rest of the magic. Eric and Michael stare in shock. Michael, over the fact that he’d lose Jeremy forever, and Eric over the fact that he would die without Michael’s magic**

Eric: NO!

**He starts to revert to his true age. His hair turns ghostly white, and his skin becomes wrinkled and veiny He grabs for Michael, but Jenna shoves him back, causing him to lose his balance, and he stumbles over the balcony railing, falling to his death**

Christine:  ** She looks over the balcony and finds only a black cloak on the ground ** ... He’s dead...  ** She feels something nudge against her foot, and looks down to find the sack Connor is still trapped in. She opens it, and Connor immediately runs over to Michael who is crying over Jeremy and trying to heal him **

Michael: ... _Love who have been hurt_  
 _Stay with those who care_  
 _Save all those in need...  
And let your colors shine   
__Your colors shine_... Jeremy, please!... I love you... **His eyes glow once more, and his tears become rainbow colored as they fall onto Jeremy**

**The tears seep into his wound, causing it to close, and Jeremy’s pale skin becomes flushed with color once more. This goes unnoticed by the others as they couldn’t bare to look at their dying friend. Jeremy grabs Michael’s hand, causing him to look up**

Michael: **In disbelief** Jeremy?

**The others look up, and are filled with joy, knowing Jeremy was brought back to life**

Jeremy: Hey Mic-  **He doesn’t have time to finish, as Michael pulls him in for a passionate kiss. He wraps his arms around his waist and melts into the kiss. Michael pulls away, and burries his face in the crook of Jeremy’s neck**

Michael: I thought I lost you.

Jeremy: You never will.

**Rich, Jake, Chloe, Brooke, Christine, and Jenna surround the two, and join in the hug**

Jeremy:  _This is the story of how I died... And went to heaven on earth!_ _Michael explained to us that he was the missing prince, and we brought him back to the queens. They couldn’t be happier... Jake, Rich, and I were no longer wanted criminals, and the girls got something out of it too. Chloe trains the knights in archery and sharpshooting. Brooke teaches horseback riding to knights in training. Jenna has her own gossip column called ‘Hear Ye! Here Ye!’. Christine wrote a new play about how Michael returned to the throne, which she calls ‘Be More Magic’. Connor even found himself a boyfriend, a certain golden mane horse. As for me? Well, Rich and Jake encouraged me to finally propose to Michael._

Michael:  _I said yes._

Jeremy:  _And I know this is gonna sound cliché, but... We lived happily ever after._


	3. Cinderonica

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you please do Heathers as Cinderella? Pretty please 🥺 I’m enjoying this sooo much!  
> Requested by: BigGleeFanatic

_A long time ago, in a magical, faraway land, several women lived together and, surprise, surprise, they didn't exactly get along.  
_ _Veronica Sawyer was a beautiful girl, who treated others with kindness. Her stepsisters however, were the opposite. Well, the one who wore yellow was pretty cool, the others were stone-cold bitches. The three treated Veronica as their own personal maid and she would never get anything in return_

**Veronica is scrubbing the floors of what used to be her home, when suddenly, her evil stepsisters walk up to her in their extravagant dresses**

Heather C: Hey, Sawyer, how's the scrubbing going?

Veronica: Once again, miserable.

Heather D: You just keep scrubbing that tea spot off the carpet so I can come back and spill tea on that spot again, bitch.

Veronica: You guys are gonna regret being mean to me someday!

Heather M: When are we ever mean to you?  


Veronica: Remember the time you told King Midas to go to second base with me? Now I'm dealing with this. **She hits a dustpan against her chest, and it emits a metal clanging**

Heather D: I dated him, too. **She flashes her golden teeth**

**In the living room, Heather, Heather, and Heather are lounging on the couch, drinking tea, while Veronica puts two logs in the fireplace**

Veronica: Why would you make me clean the fireplace, then start another fire?

Heather D: Because I enjoy watching you clean. **She spills her tea on the carpet** Clean it up, bitch.

Heather M: I’m beginning to realize why we’re called the "evil" stepsisters.

**There’s a knock at the door. Veronica answers it, and finds a regal-looking man with a handful of scrolls**

Man: For you m’lady. **He hands Veronica one of the scrolls and leaves**

Veronica: **She unfurls the scroll and reads it, then gasps** It's an invite to a party for the prince!

**Heather, Heather, and Heather gasp in astonishment**

Heather M: I can’t believe it!

Veronica: Believe it. I hear he's looking for someone to spend the rest of his life with.

Heather C: Well, it won't be you. ‘Cause you’re not going!

Veronica: What?! Come on! I do everything around here! I cook, I clean, I do laundry! I deserve a night out, you stone-cold bitches!

**The stepsisters are shocked by her outburst**

Heather C: … Damn. Okay, you can go.

Heather D: WHAT?!

Heather M: That’s fair.

Heather C: But, you have to find a dress to wear… Oh! But that’s right! You don’t have a dress!

Heather D: Boom, bitch! You got nothing!

Heather C: Shut up, Heather.

Heather C: Sorry, Heather.

**Heather D and C walk out the room, cackling while Heather M gives Veronica a sympathetic look**

Veronica: Ugh. Those bitches. Time to call in a favor.

**In the attic, Veronica is watching some mice sew a ball gown**

Veronica: This is beautiful!

Mouse: Hey, it’s no problem. Just make sure you give us credit when people ask who made it, I cannot stress that enough.

**The night of the ball has arrived. Heather C, D, and M are wearing poofy ball gowns, and their hair is styled in bouffants**

Heather C: Alright, now, since we're all planning on drinking, I called us a pumpkin.

Veronica: Wait for me! **She runs down the stairs in a pink ball gown, and her hair in a half-bun** You said if I had a nice dress, I could go to the ball.

Heather M: You look amazing!

Heather C: How did you even make that dress so fast?

Veronica: Oh, you know, I-I have an eye for fashion, and I'm pretty good with my hands.

**The mice that made her dress are standing at the top of the steps**

Mouse: Unbelievable.

Heather C: You're not going to the ball! It's popular girls, not scumbag nobody's Heather, Heather, shred her dress!

Veronica: What?!

Heather M: I’m not doing that!

Heather D: Fine! I’ll do it! She grabs onto Veronica’s dress starts tearing it to shreds

**Once her dress is no more, and Veronica is left in her corset and chemise, she runs away crying**

Mouse: Well, that's not cool, either. They're all kind of bitches.

**Veronica is sitting in the barn, pouring her heart out to her dogs, Kurt and Ram**

Evan: And then they ripped up my clothes, so now I have nothing to wear!

Ram: Well, sometimes "nothing to wear" is a fun time.

Kurt: You know, just get weird. Get freaky!

Veronica: Why did I buy you guys?

**A blinding pink light appears in the middle of the barn. The light dims, and in its place, a girl with beautiful curly hair wearing a pink dress, silver eye-glasses, and she’s holding a purple wand**

Martha: Veronica, I am your fairy godsister.

Veronica: Um, don’t you mean “godmother”?

Martha: Oh, no. She’s busy helping the fairy godaunts raise Sleeping Beauty, so, I’m here! I can grant you any wish you desire?

Veronica: Oh, my God! This is amazing! I want that girl who married the beast to admit she had Stockholm syndrome.

Martha: Whoa, whoa! I was thinking more like a new dress for the party. Or a bunch of chew toys. Your choice.

Kurt: Chew toys. Take the chew toys!

Veronica: A new dress? That’d be amazing, and I could go to the ball! Okay, do your thing!

Martha: Alright, what are you thinking? High-low? Poofy? Short and tight?

Ram: Short and tight!

Veronica: I was thinking shoulderless mermaid dress.

Martha: Got it! **She points her wand at Veronica** Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo! **A beam of magic shoots from the wand and hits Veronica’s torn dress, transforming it into a gorgeous blue mermaid dress and her hair is styled into a French braid**

  
Veronica: **She gets a good look at her dress** It’s beautiful! But, how am I gonna get to the ball? I don't have a horse or a carriage.

**Martha looks over to Kurt and Ram, and smirks. Knowing what she’s thinking, the two dogs attempt to run away, but Martha hits them with her wand, transforming them into stallions**

Kurt: Oh, yeah, that's... yeah, just change us into whatever.

Ram: Yeah, that's cool. Thanks.

Martha: Now for the carriage. **She looks around the barn and finds an apple of the ground She zaps it with her wand, and it transforms into a sparkling red carriage**

Veronica: It’s perfect! Thank you!

Martha: No problem. Oh, and look under your dress.

**Veronica lifts up her dress and finds glass slippers on her feet**

Veronica: Glass slippers?

Martha: Yeah, and if you want to keep a toe, don’t tap dance. Also, make sure you return home by midnight, because that’s when the magic wears off.

Veronica: Got it. **She gets in the carriage and the horses pull it to the castle** Thanks again!

**The ball is now in session, everyone from town was there**

Heather M: Wow, everyone from town is here!

Heather D: Even Lord Heere and his husband Michael. Now it’s a party!

Rich: Not really, this ball is kind of lame.

Chloe: Yeah, all these royal types are inbreeding, walleyed, bucktooth old guys who have to be wheeled around under a blanket.

Old man in a wheelchair: I say! Wherever is Grandmum-mum? She would so enjoy the festoonities!

Rich: That's not even a word.

**The Prince, Jason Dean, or JD cuts through the crowd, not even bothering to acknowledge the guests because he doesn’t even want to be here right now**

JD: Hey, how are you? Hey, hi, there. Thanks for coming. **He approaches the Heathers**

Heather C: Y’know, we’d do anything to be your princess.

Heather M: See anything you like?

Heather D: Oh, I'm so fancy and moist. 

JD: **Chuckles coldly** No. You’re not my types, but stick around in case I don't find anyone else.

**JD walks around the room, and while he’s not looking where he’s going, he bumps into Veronica, and they’re immediately smitten by each other**

JD: Okay, first of all, obviously the dress. Wow.

Veronica: O-oh. **Blushes** Thanks. I honestly didn’t expect to be talking to the prince. So, I’m kinda nervous.

JD: Don’t be... What’s your name?

Veronica: I’m... **She looks past JD and sees her step sisters giving her to stink eye** ... I’ll tell you later.

JD: I’m already liking where this is going.

**Ballroom music begins to play. JD offers Veronica a dance, and she accepts The other guests dance around the prince and his mystery date as they gaze into each other’s eyes and wish for this moment to last forever. Just as they are about to kiss, the clock strikes midnight, Veronica remembers Martha’s words and pulls away from JD**

Veronica: I have to go! **She runs out the ballroom**

JD Hey, where are you going? Come back here!

Jared: You brushed up against it! You got to take care of it now!

**Veronica scurries down the palace steps, as she does, one of her slippers comes off. She attempts to go back for it, but sees JD and Jared running after her and makes her way back to the carriage. Kurt and Ram, still in their horse forms pull the carriage away from the palace, just as JD and Jared make it down the stairs**

JD Wait! Come back! **He picks up Veronica’s glass slipper** You forgot your glass slipper!

**Jared looked down and finds a box of condoms**

Jared: And a box of condoms.

JD: Damn it! Things were gonna happen!

**Back at the barn, the magic has worn off, and Kurt is carrying Veronica in his arms while Ram takes a bite out of the apple used for the carriage**

Veronica: We almost kissed. Why couldn't the magic have lasted five more minutes? Now I'll never get to be a rich, do-nothing wife.

Ram: **Chewing** Sorry your dreams haven't come true.

**The next day at the castle, JD stands by the balcony looking solemnly at the village while holding Veronica’s glass slipper**

Alana: Your majesty, there is no sign of her, and we searched far.

JD: ... Did you search wide?

Alana: Uuh... No.

JD: You gotta search wide, that's like half of it. Never mind, I’ll go look myself.

**And so the prince searched all over the kingdom for the foot that fit the glass slipper. He even tried the slipper on a few guys just to be sure. He finally made it to Veronica’s house, and was in the living room, getting ready to try the slipper on Heather C**

JD: And so, whoever fits in this slipper will be my princess. Or prince. Or prinxe. I'm Pan.

**Heather Duke enters the room just before he slips the shoe on Heather Chandler**

Heather D: Oh, there's my slipper! I've been looking all over for it. Well, when I'm not doing gymnastics. **She bends over backwards** This could be your life!

Veronica: **She bursts into the room with Heather McNamara by her side** Enough!

Heather McNamara: She’s your princess!

Heather C: Shut up, Heather!

Heather M: You shut up!

JD: **He gasps at the sight of Veronica, and remembers her face** It is you!

Heather C/D: Her?!

**JD puts the glass slipper on her foot, and surprise, surprise, perfect fit. They embrace and finally kiss while Heather McNamara cheers**

_And so, two people who danced together one time, one of them being a prince who apparently had a foot fetish who couldn’t remember what his wife’s face looks like, got married and lived happily ever after._

**The End**


	4. Snow Evan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gather ‘round boys, girls, and other genders, as I tell you the tale of a boy who ate a poison apple

_Once upon a time, in a magical far away land, there was a young boy named Evan, who was known throughout the kingdom for his kindness and beauty. And we’re talking adorable! He used to be a prince, but his mother adopted a daughter named Heather Duke who killed her by poisoning her drink, stripped Evan of his royal title, and took over as Queen_

**Heather Duke is in her creepy darkly-lit room, walking towards her golden-framed mirror**

Heather D: Mirror, mirror, in my room, who’s the fairest in the… **She can’t think of a rhyme** Okay, just tell me who’s the fairest.

**Zoe appears in the mirror, filing her nails**

Zoe: As usual, you. Why do you even bother asking? You know I just say whatever you wanna hear.

Heather D: Well who else is gonna tell me if I’m pretty or not?

Zoe: Get a boyfriend. I’m really hitting it off with that hand mirror Prince Jared introduced me to. **Her phone buzzes** Hold on. **She checks her phone and frowns** Uh oh.

Heather D: What? What is it?

Zoe: Okay, but don’t get mad. I just checked FairyBuzz, and people are saying that Evan is the fairest in the land.

Heather D: What?! My goody goody brother is more fair than me?! How?!

Zoe: Gee, let’s think. He’s kind to all animals, cares for everyone, always smiling, doesn’t talk to mirrors like a crazy person, and-

Heather D: Okay! I get it! I gotta figure out how to become the fairest again! Gimme some ideas, mirror.

Zoe: Well, if you got rid of Evan, then you’d be able to become the fairest in the land again.

Heather D: Quiet! I’m plotting!... Wait. If I got rid of Evan, then I’d be able to become the fairest in the land again. I am such a genius.

Zoe: **Texting** Okay, love you too.

Heather D: But if I got rid of him myself, the people would immediately come after me. I need to send someone to do my dirty work. Oh! Maybe I can send my pet snakes after him!

Zoe: … This. This is why you’re not the fairest in the land. I’ll hire a hitman. **She dials a number on her phone**

**One hour later, Heather D is in the throne room, talking to the hitman, JD**

Heather D: You’re gonna kill my brother, and make it look like an accident.

JD: Okay, well what does he look like?

Heather D: He is pure evil. He thinks he’s _so_ perfect with his greasy straw-like hair, pale vampire skin, and those horrible blood red eyes!

JD: Yeesh.

Zoe: **She shows a picture of Evan on her phone to JD** This is what he really looks like.

JD: Wow, he’s beautiful. And he looks nothing like how you described him.

Heather D: Oh, shut up. When you do kill him, bring me his heart.

JD: … You are one sick chick. **He quickly leaves the castle to search for Evan, and so he doesn’t have to be in the same room with that psycho**

**In the garden, Evan is watering the roses as a few woodland critters keep him company. JD is stalking him from a bush**

JD: Okay. I can do this. He’s just a guy… A guy with a cute smile, cute furry animals surrounding him, and… He’s wearing baby blue and pastels! Oh, God! I can’t do it!

Evan: Can’t do what?

**JD yelps in surprise when he sees Evan standing right next to him, holding a bunny, and just making him feel more guilty**

Evan: Are you okay?

JD: No!... I can’t kill you!

Evan: What?! **He starts tearing up**

JD: Stop it! Stop being so cute! This is why I can’t kill you! You’re too cute!

Evan: **He blushes and looks away** No I’m not. Anyway, why were you trying to kill me?

JD: **He sighed in defeat** Your sister sent me.

Evan: Of course she did. This isn’t the first time she’s sent someone to try and kill me. They said they couldn’t do it because I was, “Too cute and a pure baby boy.”

JD: They’re right!

Evan: Well then she’s gonna kill you.

JD: What?!

Evan: Yeah, she kills people who disappoint her.

JD: Oh my God. **He sits down in the grass**

Evan: Look… Why don’t I just hide out somewhere? That way you won’t get hurt. Okay?

JD: But she wants me to give her your heart.

Evan: Oh… I don’t really wanna suggest this but… Give her a pig’s heart.

JD: … What is up with your family?!

Evan: She’ll never know. Stay safe. **He gives JD a kiss on the cheek and runs into the forest**

JD: **He places his hand on the cheek Evan kissed** You too, cutie.

**In the forest, Evan continues walking**

Evan: Okay, I should be okay out here. It’s not so bad. **Sighs** Why does Heather always try to kill me? What did I ever to do her? She always claims I’m the “evil sibling”, but she’s the one with venomous snakes for pets!

**As he continues walking, he finds a cozy-looking cottage. He knocks on the door, and no one answers**

Evan: I guess I could live here... Hello?! Is someone here? I need a place to-

**Before he can finish his sentence, a blunt object hits his head, and he passed out on the floor**

**A boy with brown hair wearing a red jacket was the one who hit him over the head, using a frying pan. Behind him are seven other people with shocked faces**

Gamer: … What did you do?!

Sporty: He was an intruder, I panicked!

Dramatic: Sporty, we can’t keep doing this! We’ve done this too many times!

Geeky: Come on, let’s get him up.

**They each grab a limb and lift him off the floor. Evan opens his eyes once he feels himself being moved**

Evan: Aah!

Geeky/Gamer/Snarky/PinkBerry/Shorty/Sporty/ Dramatic/Gossiper: Aah! **They drop him on the floor**

Evan: Why’d You do that?

Shorty: We’ll ask the questions! Who are you?!

Evan: I-I’m Evan Hansen.

Dramatic: The prince?

Sporty: Crap, I knocked out the prince.

Evan: Well, I’m not a prince anymore. My sister took over and dethroned.

Snarky: Ugh. Hate that bitch.

PinkBerry: I know, right?

Evan: I sorta ran away after she sent another hitman after me.

PinkBerry: You poor thing. Well you can stay here as long as you want. I’m PinkBerry. **She introduces her friends** The other blonde is Snarky, the tall one is Geeky, the short one is Shorty, the one in the hoodie and patches is Gamer, the boy with the red jacket is Sporty, the short girl is Dramatic, and the last one is Gossiper.

Evan: Not to be rude, but aren't there supposed to be seven of you?

Sporty: Look, I’m just crashing here until I can find my own place.

Gossiper: Anyway, stay here until you’re not in danger anymore, or until they finally dethrone your sister.

Shorty: Yeah, and y’know, do some cooking, cleaning, that kind of stuff.

Geeky: Shorty! He’s not the maid!

Shorty: **He pulls out a tight-fitting maid’s outfit** Not until he wears the required uniform. **Evan blushes at the sight of it**

Evan: I don’t mind cleaning, but I’m not going to wear the outfit. Sorry.

Gamer: Am I the only one seeing how adorable this guy is?

Snarky: That’s literally, all I’m seeing.

Evan: **Blushing** Why does everyone keep saying that?

Dramatic: Because you are so adorable! **She cups his cheeks** The face of an angel! Rich, get him in the outfit!

Evan: What?

Gossiper: You are gonna look adorable in it!

Evan: **To Geeky** Is everyone like this?

Geeky: You have no idea. They keep shipping me and Gamer.

Gamer: I don’t mind. **He takes Geeky’s hand in his and kisses the back of it**

**Back at Heather's castle, she’s waiting for the hitman in the throne room**

Heather D: Where is that hit man?! How ward is it to stab someone, then rip out their heart?!

**JD enters the throne room with a box**

JD: I killed him! Just like you asked.

Heather D: Excellent! Let me see his heart!

JD: **Disgusted** You sicko.

**He opens the box and Heather looks inside, then cackles**

Heather D: Yes! Now I’m gonna have it bronzed and hung on my bedroom wall next to my headless dolls!

JD: … Okay. **He places the box on the floor, backs away from Heather slowly, and eventually runs out of the room**

Heather D: **She picks up the box, then walks over to the mirror** Let’s try this again. Mirror mirror… Brought from the woods, now who's got the goods?

Zoe: **Snickers** Honey. Sweetie. That’s a pig’s heart.

Heather D: Say what now?

Zoe: You’ve been duped. **She shows her photos of Evan on her phone** Evan is in a cottage in the woods hanging out with some people who compliment him 24/7.

Heather D: Damn it! Damn it! Damn it! What am I gonna do?! He’s having the time of his life!

Zoe: How about poison?

Heather D: … What?

Zoe: Sort of a… Subtle death. You kill him without letting him know that you’re killing her. Eh?

Heather D: That could work. But how?

Zoe: You could put poison in his food.

Heather D: But she’ll suspect something if I give it to her. I need someone else to do it. Someone trustworthy.

**Veronica, the lady in waiting enters the room**

Veronica: Hello your majesty. May I borrow your hatchet?

Heather D: No need to ask, go on ahead. I completely trust you… Wait! Veronica, I need you to do something for me.

Veronica: Okay. But I want two horses in exchange for whatever it is I’m about to do… And a body bag.

Heather D: Deal.

Veronica: What do you need?

Heather D: I need you to kill my brother.

Veronica: What? Why? He’s so cute!

Heather D: NO HE’S NOT! **She calms down** He’s not. You just have to poison Evan, and I’ll finally be rid of him!

Veronica: **Sighs** Earth just lost their only angel.

Heather D: Shut up.

**Back in the cottage, Evan is dusting the furniture, while some woodland critters help him clean. The group looks on his shock**

Gamer: … How is he doing that?! He got animals to help him clean!

Gossiper: He got birds to do the dishes.

Sporty: A squirrel alphabetized the spices!

Evan: **Still cleaning** You know I can hear you, right?

Gossiper: This is amazing! These animals just do what you say?

Evan: I don’t tell them to, **A bird lands on his shoulder** they just help me. **The bird nuzzles against his cheek**

Shorty: **Seriously** You are going to be the end of me if you keep being this cute.

Snarky: Okay. I need a break from this cuteness. Let’s go get some frozen yogurt.

Evan: Can bring me cotton candy with sprinkles?

PinkBerry: Why is everything you say adorable?!

**They leave the cottage; Evan and the woodland critters continue cleaning**

**An while later, Evan is now helping the birds wash the dishes when suddenly, there was a knock at the door**

Evan: Wonder who that is. Be right back, guys. **He walks over to the front door, opens it, and finds Veronica holding a basket of apples** Hello, can I help you?

Veronica: Well, I’m just going door-to-door, giving away free apples, and I was wondering if you’d like one.

Evan: Well, I don’t see why not.

Veronica: **Thinking** Am I really going to do this? Am I gonna poison the cutest person in the kingdom? Why am I doing this? Oh God, he’s eating the apple… Oh, he looks fine. I guess-

**Evan collapses onto the floor**

Veronica: SON OF A BITCH! I KILLED HIM! **She runs out of the cottage, leaving Evan, dead on the floor**

**An hour later. The group returns back to the cottage with frozen yogurt**

Snarky: Hey princey, they didn’t have cotton candy, so we got you- Aah!

**They all scream in shock at the sight of Evan**

Shorty: Oh God! Oh God! We’re screwed!

Geeky: Nevermind us! What about him?... And why is there an apple next to him?

**Gossiper picks up the apple and reads the sticker**

Gossiper: “Evil Queen Farms” Of course it was that bitch Queen!

Gamer: **Feels Evan’s pulse** Guys, I don’t think he’s alive.

Dramatic: Oh no! This is terrible!

Sporty: **Sighs** Well, the least we can do is give him a proper, dignified funeral.

**The group carries a pastel blue casket into the forest and place it on the ground. Geeky opens the casket to reveal Evan wearing a blue and white tea-length dress with a purple flower crown and white flats**

Geeky: He went out the way he was brought into the world. Now, would anyone like to say a few words?

...

Geeky: ... Come on.

Shorty: He... Could get animals to clean.

Snarky: He wore blue.

Gossiper: And how he loved eating poison apples!

Sporty: He really did.

Gamer: You guys didn’t take the chance to talk to him?

Snarky: He was only here for a day!

Male voice: What’s going on?

**They turn around and find Prince Connor Murphy walking over to them**

Dramatic: Prince Connor?

Connor: Oh, sorry. Am I interrupting a funeral? **He takes a look at Evan** A really adorable funeral? Wait… That’s Prince Evan! What happened to him?

PinkBerry: His stepsister poisoned him.

Connor: **Sighs** Our parents arranged for us to get married. Guess that’s not happening. Too bad, ‘cause this guy is cute.

Dramatic: I know, right?

Connor: … I’m not gonna leave without seeing what those lips feels like. **He leans down into the casket and presses his lips against Evan’s**

Geeky: Jesus Christ, man.

Gamer: ... Is this appropriate?

Snarky: Let him have this.

Shorty: Nice hold, man.

Sporty: Is he Frenching? The boy’s dead!

Dramatic: Wait, no he’s not. He’s waking up! He’s alive!... And Frenching back.

Gamer: That is some serious tongue action.

**Connor and Evan finally stop kissing**

Evan: That… Was amazing.

Connor: It was for me too. I’m Prince Connor.

Evan: I’m Evan.

Geeky: And I feel awkward.

Connor: Now, I heard that your stepsister dethroned you.

Evan: **Nervously** And you don’t wanna marry a peasant?

Connor: What? No! I’d marry you no matter what. I was actually thinking of something else.

**In the castle throne room, Connor is sitting on the throne with Evan in his lap, and Geeky, Gamer, Snarky, PinkBerry, Shorty, Sporty, Dramatic, and Gossiper standing by their side**

Heather D: What do you mean “dethroned”?!

Connor: It was pretty easy. I just paid everyone in the kingdom to rise up against you, and make Evan the Queen.

Evan: Don’t You mean ‘King’?

Connor: **Smirks** Nope.

Heather D: You can’t do that!

Snarky: Oh, honey. When you’re rich, you can do anything you want.

Heather D: **She turns to the mirror** Mirror?

Zoe: **She’s admiring her diamond tiara and necklace** He paid me too. And he actually knows my name!  
  
Evan: Guards, get rid of her!

**Two knights escort Heather out of the castle as she kicks and screams**

Heather D: Worst brother ever!

**The End**   
  



	5. Jeremy and Jenna

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The story of two German kids who take candy from strangers

_Once upon a time, in a far away village in Germany (Where the original story took place), there lived two siblings, Jeremy and Jenna. They lived with their mother, Veronica and their bitchy step-mother, Heather Duke who hated children and anything fun_

** One day, Jeremy and Jenna were in the backyard playing some old-timey game that involved a stick and a hoop **

Jeremy: **He taps the hoop with his stick** So, how do you win this game?

Jenna: This is a game? I thought this was punishment for eating all the strudel.

I don’t care! I want them gone!

** This grabs their attention. They run over to a window and see their mothers talking in the living room. Heather is screaming while Veronica sits on a sofa, looking dejected **

Jenna: Are they talking about us?

Jeremy: Let’s not jump to conclusions. Maybe, they’re just talking the squirrels in the attic.

Heather D.: They eat everything in the house!

Jeremy: ... Okay, ja, they’re talking about us.

Veronica: They’re our children!

Heather D.: _You’re_ children! **She calms down** We won’t survive another month with them here, baby. We’re low on money and food. We have to get rid of them.

Veronica: ... **She gives in** I guess you’re right.

** Jeremy and Jenna gasp at those words. The woman who had cared for them since the beginning wanted them gone. They step away from the window and are heartbroken **

Jeremy: How could she?

Jenna: And how does she wanna get rid of us? **She gasps at the thought** Is she going to kill us and make it look like a suicide?!

Jeremy: No! She wouldn’t! She stopped faking suicides twenty years ago.

Jenna: **She wipes a tear** I don’t wanna leave, Jere.

Jeremy: We’re not! I’m sure mom will see that Heather is wrong, change her mind, get a divorce, and this’ll all go back to normal. Just wait, sis.

** His words calm Jenna down, and she wipes away the last of her tears **

Jenna: Okay. Everything will be fine tomorrow.

** The next day, Veronica is leading Jeremy and Jenna through a forest **

Veronica: Come on kids, keep up!

Jenna: Mom, why are we out here so early?

** Jeremy is following at the rear, dropping tiny pieces of bread everywhere he walks **

Veronica: Well, I thought maybe the three of us could just go for a nice walk, deep in the woods. With my two wonderful kids. **She walks ahead**

** Jenna turns around and sees Jeremy stilldropping pieces of bread on the ground **

Jenna: How’s that trail?

Jeremy: I’m almost out, but we should be good.

**Veronica jumps up on the tree stump nearby where they are standing and points ahead**

Veronica: Hey, look! The emperor has no clothes!

** As soon as Jeremy and Jenna look in the direction she was pointing, Veronica legs it off in the opposite direction. Jeremy and Jenna turn back around but don’t see Veronica anywhere **

Jenna: Mom? **Panicking** Mom?! Oh my God! She was serious about leaving us!

Jeremy: That bitch! Glad I left that trail.

** From behind, Rich, who is dressed up as a squirrel, has been picking up and eating all the pieces of bread that Jeremy has left on the ground. Jenna draws Jeremy's attention to the direction it is coming from **

Jeremy: **Yelling at the squirrel** Hey! Hey! Shoo, squirrel! Shoo! Get out of here, you get! 

**The squirrel (Rich) stares at Jeremy for a moment and then abruptly pushes him onto the ground. Jeremy screams in a high-pitched voice. Jenna looks over at the squirrel with a nervous smile**

Rich: I like your hat. 

**Jenna takes off her hat and offers it to Rich**

Jenna: It's all yours!

** Rich snatches the hat and walks off chuckling. Jeremy remains on the ground but as soon as the squirrel is out of sight he jumps to his feet slowly and brushes off the dirt **

Jeremy: Wow. Tough forest. 

** Jeremy and Jenna walk down a dirt road for an hour, trying to find their way back home, or to a police station to report their mothers **

Jenna: Jere, we gotta find a place to stay. It’s getting late.

Jeremy: I know, but we’re in the middle of the forest! There aren’t any houses, or anything. Just dirt, trees, wild animals, a candy house, poison oak, insects that crawl all over us, and- Wait, candy house?!

** A house made entirely of candy and gingerbread sits in the middle of the forest, illuminated by a heavenly light. Jeremy and Jenna run over to it and knock on the door to see if anyone is in **

Jeremy: Hello? **He opens the door, and they walk in** No one here.

Jenna: **Excited** More candy for us! **Runs over to the fireplace and grabs a handful of marshmallows** Sweet! **Eats one** Oh, delicious.

Jeremy: Well, since no one lives here... **He grabs a lollipop from the flower pot and licks it**

** From behind, a young-looking man with black hair and chiseled features, dressed in a peasant blue shirt and black pants sneaks in from the front door up to the two **

Man: Hello, children.

** Jeremy and Jenna stare at him suspiciously for a minute **

Jenna: Oh, is this your house? Sorry if we were disturbing you.

Jeremy: Y-yeah, we’ll leave.

Man: Oh, nonsense. Oh, look at you pitiful, skinny children. My name is Squip. Why, you're welcome to stay here and eat whatever you like. 

Jeremy: Okay.

Jenna: I like free candy.

** The two oblivious children continue eating the candy furniture **

Squip: **To no one in particular, evilly** And later on I'll do the same thing... **Rubs Jeremy's hair and licks his finger**

** Squip walks off into the corner of the room and Jeremy eyes him as he does so. Jenna is completely transfixed in eating cotton candy **

Jenna: Mmmmm! So good. 

** Jeremy drags Jenna aside by the arm over to the door **

Jeremy: **Low tone, worried** Jen, I've got a bad feeling about him. 

Jenna: I’ll admit, he is... Odd. But he’s still better than those two who left us in the woods to die. Plus, free food, nice house, and there’s two of us and one of him. So if things go a little nuts, we’ll take him down

** Jeremy looks over at Squip who is now reading a book titled: "The Low Carb Kid Diet". **

Jeremy: ... We got this.

** A little while later, Squip is out of the house and Jeremy and Jenna are sitting at the table, chewing on caramel apples **

Jeremy: **He spits out a tooth** Well, that was bound to happen. I’m gonna get some more caramel for my apple.

** Jeremy walks over to the pantry and opens one side of the pantry door but nothing is there. He opens the other side and it reveals the base of pie with Michael's head sticking out of the top! **

Michael: Hi!

** Jeremy steps back with a loud high pitched scream. Jenna walks over screaming and looks at the pie as well **

Jenna: AAHHH!! Why does that pie have a face?!?! 

Jeremy: I don't know!!! **He calms down and checks out** **Michael’s face** Although, he is a cutie-pie. Hello... 

** Jeremy walks over closer to the pie and leans on the cupboard as he checks him out. Michael laughs out of flattery **

Jenna: Bro, you're flirting with pastry. 

Michael: Listen, you two are in grave danger. The guy who lives here is a warlock, who fattens kids up before he bakes them into pie! 

Jeremy: What?!

Michael: There’s more kids in here. Check the next pantry.

** Jenna opens the next pantry and finds two more pies with Connor and Evan’s heads **

Evan: Hello.

Connor: What?

Jeremy: Oh my God! We've got to get out of here!

** Jeremy and Jenna are about to dash out the door, but then the two of them look down the pathway and hear a familiar cackling voice, that of Squip **

Jenna: Oh, no! The warlock is coming back! 

** They run back in, and resume eating their caramel apples. Squip walks into the house **

Squip: What is going on here?

Jeremy/Jenna: **Pretending to be innocent** Nothing... 

** Squip gives a long sigh as he looks over to the pantry and finds that his "kid-pies'' are fully visible. He glares at them **

Michael: Hey... What’s up?

Evan: ... You left these open.

Squip: **Angrily, to Jenna and Jeremy** Have you been snooping in my pantry?! 

Jeremy: **Pretending like he hasn't, thinking on the spot**...What cute talking pie...? 

Squip: **Advances in them** I’m gonna turn the both of you into strudel!

Jeremy: Or, a-and I'm just spit-balling here, maybe, um...uh... make something without kid in-? 

Connor: GET HIM!

** Squip goes to jump on Jeremy but he runs away and he tumbles down beside the pantry. His arm is bitten by Michael. He screams with but then releases himself **

Squip: YOU BRAT!

Michael: Says the man who baked me into a pie! 

** Jenna hits him over the head with a candy cane and he collapses onto the floor **

Connor: Great. Now put him in the oven!

Jeremy: We’re not gonna put him in the oven.

Michael: He baked us into pies!

Jeremy: **He considers this, then comes to a decision** Let’s put him in the oven.

** Jenna nods, opens the oven and helps Jeremy lift up Squip, then they slide him into the oven. Jeremy turns it on **

Jeremy: Alright, we just killed someone. Should we be nervous? I’m kinda nervous.

Connor: No one’s gonna know unless... **He does nothing** If I had the rest of my body, you’d know what I’m implying. Blow the house up.

Evan: Connor!

Michael: I vote yes on blowing up the house.

Jenna: Okay, let’s blow this sucker up.

** Some time later, Jenna and Jeremy walk away from the house with the kid pies in their hands. When they’re a few feet away from the house, it blows up in flames and candy flies everywhere **

Jenna: Badass. **A lollipop drops in her hand, and she licks it**


	6. Tale as Old as Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In honor of Valentine’s Day, I’ll be writing our favorite musical characters into romantic Disney songs  
> First up, Tale as Old as Time

**Evan descends from the West Wing side in a baby blue tailcoat with gold trimming, a white shirt, white pants, and black boots. He reaches the landing and looks at Connor, who is standing at the top of the stairs in a black tailcoat with white trimming, a gray shirt, gray pants, and black boots. He is nudged on by Zoe from behind the curtain, and he descends and meets Evan at the landing. Arm in arm, they descend the last section of stairs and continue on their way to dinner, stopped momentarily by Alana as she begins to sing**

Alana: Tale as old as time

True as it can be

Barely even friends

Then somebody bends unexpectedly.

Just a little change

Small to say the least

Both a little scared

Neither one prepared, cutie and the beast.

**Connor and Evan have moved into the ballroom, where they move through a perfect dance sequence. Connor occasionally looks over at Jared and Zoe for their approval**

Alana: Ever just the same

Ever a surprise

Ever as before, ever just as sure

As the sun will rise

Tale as old as time

Tune as old as song

Bittersweet and strange,

Finding you can change,

Learning you were wrong

Certain as the sun

Rising in the east,

Tale as old as time,

Song as old as rhyme, 

Cutie and the Beast.

Tale as old as time,

Song as old as rhyme,

Cutie and the Beast.


	7. A Whole New World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now, A Whole New World with Christine and Jenna

Jenna: Uh, you're right. You aren't just some prize to be won. **She looks disappointed** You should be free to make your own choice. **Christine looks at her in confusion** I'll go now. She steps up on the ledge and drops off

Christine: Wait!

Jenna: **Pokes her head up from over the edge** What?

Christine: **Now she's amazed** How--how are you doing that?

**She looks over the edge and sees the carpet**

Jenna: It's a magic carpet.

Christine: It's so cool. **Carpet takes her hand with a tassel**  


Jenna: You want to go for a ride? We could get out of the palace, see the world.

Christine: Is it safe?

Jenna: Sure. Do you trust me?

Christine: **She looks at her suspiciously** What?

Jenna: **Extends her hand** Do you trust me?

Christine: **Gets a sly grin on her face** Yes.

**She takes her hand and gets up on carpet. It zooms into the sky, knocking them both into sitting positions. Christine gasps as they fly over the palace wall and into the sky**

Jenna: I can show you the world

Shining, shimmering, splendid.

Tell me princess, now when did you last

Let your heart decide?

**The carpet zooms down through the town, stopping slightly to pick a flower. It gives the flower to Jenna, who gives it to Christine. She smiles**

Jenna: I can open your eyes

Take you wonder by wonder

Over, sideways, and under

On a magic carpet ride

A whole new world!

A fantastic point of view

No one to tell us no

Or where to go

Or say we're only dreaming

**Christine looks back and watches Agrabah disappear from sight. Carpet flies in and out of the clouds**

Christine: A whole new world!

A dazzling place I never knew!

But when I'm way up here

It's crystal clear

That now I'm in a whole new world with you!

Jenna: Now I'm in a whole new world with you!

**They each catch a small cloud as carpet continues the flight. It then circles a pillar of clouds, giving a swirly look to it**

Christine: Unbelievable sights

Indescribable feeling

Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

Through an endless diamond sky

**They join a flock of birds in the sky. One of them looks terrified and squawks. Carpet does somersaults and flips, at times putting Jenna** **and Christine in free-fall, but catching them. They then zoom above the clouds where a starry night awaits them**

Christine: A whole new world!

Jenna: Don't you dare close your eyes

Christine: A hundred thousand things to see

Jenna: Hold your breath--it gets better!

Christine: I'm like a shooting star,

I've come so far

I can't go back to where I used to be!

**They zoom down over a river, apparently the Nile, for beyond the ship's sails are the Great Pyramids. They wave at a worker sculpting the complete nose of the Sphinx. He smiles, but chisels too much and breaks off the front section of the nose**

Jenna: A whole new world!

Christine: Every turn a surprise

Jenna: With new horizons to pursue

Christine: Every moment red-letter

**They fly alongside wild horses running. Christine pets one of them**

Both: I'll chase them anywhere

There's time to spare

Let me share this whole new world with you

A whole new world

That's where we'll be

**They fly through Greece, where Jenna grabs an apple from a tree and rolls it down her arm to Christine, who is now sure he is dealing with Jenna, not Princess Jen**

Jenna: A thrilling chase

Christine: A wondrous place

Both: For you and me!

**Carpet hovers along over a lake, and we see the reflection of the moon in the lake. Fireworks burst and the couple are at a Chinese New Year celebration, sitting on a rooftop**

Christine: It's all amazing.

Jenna: Yeah.

Christine: **She looks at her and decides to burst the bubble** So, did you plan all this after we were caught by the guards?

Jenna: Nah, **Carpet looks up realizing what is happening** How could I when… **And now she realizes it** That is...oh no!

Christine: **She pulls off her** veil Ha! You are the girl from the market! I knew it! Why did you lie to me?

Jenna: Christine, I'm sorry.

Christine: Did you think I was stupid or something?

Jenna: No!

Christine: That I wouldn't figure it out?

Jenna: No. I mean, I hoped you wouldn't. No, that's not what I meant.

Christine: Who are you? Tell me the truth!

Jenna: The truth? **She looks at Carpet who waved her on, giving up hope** The truth...the truth is...I sometimes dress as a commoner to escape the pressures of palace life. **Carpet slumps down in defeat** But I really am a princess!

Christine: Why didn't you just tell me?

Jenna: Well, you know, um...royalty going out into the city in disguise, it sounds a little strange, don't you think?

Christine: Not that strange.

**She cuddles up next to her. Jenna and Christine return To the palace. Carpet forms a set of steps and Christine descends**

Christine: Good night, my princess.

Jenna: Sleep well, my princess.

**They slowly leaned forward to kiss**


	8. I won’t Say I’m in Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And now... I Won’t Say I’m in Love

Veronica: If there's a prize for rotten judgement,  
I guess I've already won that.  
No man is worth the aggravation!  
That's ancient history, been there, done that!

Heather C/M/D: Who d'you think you're kidding?  
He's the earth and heaven to you!  
Try to keep it hidden,  
Honey we can see right through you!  
Girl you can't conceal it!  
We know how you're feeling!  
Who you thinking of!

Veronica: No chance no way! I won't say it, no no!

  
Heather C/M/D: You swoon you sigh why deny it oh oh!

  
Veronica: It's too cliche I won't say I'm in love!  
I thought my heart had learned its lesson  
It feels so good when you start out  
My head is screaming "Get a grip girl  
Unless you're dying to cry your heart out!

  
Heather C/M/D: Girl you can't deny it!  
Who you are is how you're feeling!  
Baby we're not buying!  
Hon we saw you hit the ceiling!  
Face it like a grown-up!  
When you gonna own up that you got got got it bad!

  
Veronica: No chance no way I won't say it, no no!

Heather C/M/D: Give up, give in!

Heather C: Check the grin you're in love!

  
Veronica: This scene won't play I won't say I'm in love!

  
Heather C/M/D: We'll do it ‘til you admit you're in love

  
Veronica: You're way off base I won't say it

Heather C/M/D: She won’t say it, no!

  
Veronica: Get off my case I won't say it!

  
Heather C/M/D: Girl don't be proud it's okay you're in love!

Veronica: At least out loud I won't say I'm in love


	9. A/N

Right now I’m working on Sleeping Beauty with TreeBros. If you have anymore ideas, lemme know in the comments and you’ll get credit


	10. Sleeping Beauty

**Once upon a time, in a fabulous faraway kingdom, the royal baby had just been born, and people from different kingdoms came to see him. They’re mostly just gonna take pictures of him and post them on InstaCrown to get a thousand likes. The Queen of the land, Heidi Hansen, addresses her guests**

Heidi: Thank you all for traveling such a long way to see my son.   
And if you’re going to post pictures, remember to hashtag, RoyalBaby.

**The guests continued to take pictures of the baby. He was adorable. Peach skin, blonde hair, beautiful brown eyes, and he wore a blue onesie. He did sometimes cry from the constant attention, but often giggled every time someone took his picture, making everyone gush at how adorable his laughter was. This is interrupted when Jared, the royal messenger blows a horn**

Jared: Presenting,  **Reading a flashcard** the fabulous fairies! The mistresses of magic! The girls yo mommas wished they had! The gorgeous witches of the North! The- Okay, I’m not saying all of this. Here are the fairies!

**Four fairies appear from a cloud of multi-colored pixie dust. Heather C., Heather M. Heather D., and Veronica**

Heather C.: The party can begin! We have arrived!

Heather M.: Now show us the baby!

Heidi: He’s right over here.  **She leads them over to the crib** This is Evan.

Veronica/Heather C./Heather D./Heather M.: Aaaaww!  **They each snap pictures of Evan, making him giggle**

Veronica: Until now, I’ve been looking at garbage.

Heather M.: And again, congrats on the betrothal to King Murphy’s son. I’m sure he and Evan will make a wonderful couple.

Heather C.: Alright, alright. Time to grant him our wishes.  For the prince I grant him the gift of beauty.  **She tags her picture, #Beauty4Life**

Heather D.: I give him the gift of song.  **She tags her picture, #Songbird**

Veronica: I grant him empathy.  **She tags her picture, #Empathetic**

Heather M.: Alright, um… Oh! I’ll give him-

**Before Heather M. can bestow her gift to the prince, the palace doors opened, letting in an electric blue fog, that surrounded the room. Once the fog cleared up, Squip appeared. The evil sorcerer. The knights immediately surround the queen and Evan, to protect them at any cost**

Squip: Well! What’s this? Another party I wasn’t invited to?

Heidi: We didn’t invite you because you never bring a gift!

Jared: And you always double dip! That is disgusting!

Squip: Alright, so what have we got here? Birthday? Coronation?  **He sees the baby** Oh! A christening! How nice.  **He summons her staff, and casts a spell on the knights protecting the royal family, turning them into doves. He walks over toward the cradle, and smiles at the sight of Evan** How cute.  **He grins, revealing a set of fangs, but Evan still giggles** So innocent.  And, your majesty, I actually do have a present for the baby…  **He takes a picture of Evan with his cell phone** Along with beauty, and being an amazing singer, he’ll also be known for being very nice.

Heidi: ... O-okay, that’s pretty good.

Veronica: Wait for it.

Squip: But.

Veronica: Told you.

Squip: Before the sun sets on his sixteenth birthday, he will electrocute himself with a cellphone, and fall asleep for ten years!

**Everyone in the room gasps**

Jared: Ten? Ha! I thought you were all-powerful!

Squip: Twenty!

Jared: You putting him down for a nap?

Squip: Sixty!

Jared: Power nap at best!

Squip C: Seventy!

Jared: Eighty!

Squip: Ninety!

Jared: A hundre-!

Fairies: JARED!  **They tackle him to the floor and start beating him up to keep him quiet**

Squip: ... A hundred it is!

Jared:  **While Veronica is choking him** A hundred, and ten!

Heather C.: Shut up!

Squip: Alright! He’ll die instead.  **He tags his picture, #DeathBed** Happy Christening, Evan.  **He vanishes in a cloud of black smoke**

Heidi: Oh, my baby!  **She takes Evan out of his crib and cradles him in her arms** Squip has gone too far this time!

Heather M.: Wait! I haven’t given him a gift yet. I may have an idea. But please know, I can’t undo Squip’s curse, I can only weaken it… Instead of dying, Evan will fall into a deep sleep, but... He’ll be able to be woken up sooner by a kiss from someone he truly loves!  **She tags her picture #KissofLove**

Heidi: Thank you, Heather. But I won’t take any chances. I want all the cell phones destroyed!

Everyone: WHAT?!

Heidi: I’m sorry, but my decision is final.

Heather M.: Why’d it have to be a phone? Why not a spinning wheel?!

Veronica: But your majesty, it’s not just the phones you have to worry about. It’ll be too dangerous for Evan to live here, what if Squip comes back?

Heather M.: … We could take him in, and have him live with us until his sixteenth birthday.

**Heidi sighs in defeat, knowing this is for the better**

Heidi: Are you sure you can take care of him?

Heather M.: Of course! We’d love to!

Heather C.: We’ll take great care of him.

Heidi: Alright. But Evan needs to live a normal life. That means no magic.

Fairies: What?!

Heather C.: First our phones, now no magic?! When will it end?

Heidi:  **She plants a small kiss on Evan’s forehead and hands him to Veronica** Take care of him.

Veronica: We will.  **She leaves with the other fairies**

**Sometime later, the fairies have taken the baby to a small cottage in the forest, far away from the kingdom**

Veronica.: Okay, I know this will be hard, not using magic. But, I’m sure sixteen years will go by quickly. Then we can go back to using our magic as we please.

But until then, we have to give Evan a normal, non-magical life.

Heather D.: What isn’t normal about this?  **She gestures to her extravagant outfit**

Veronica: **Ignoring Heather D., she sets down Evan on the grass, then** **summons her phone** Fairee, change our outfits.

Fairee: Locating restaurants near you.

Veronica: No! Change our outfits!

Fairee: Looking up lute music.

Heather M.: I’ll just use my spell caster app.  **She summons her phone and scrolls through the screen** Night today, animal whisperer… Here it is! Change outfits.  **She taps the screen, and their outfits magically transform into villager clothes**

Heather D.: Ugh. This outfit is not flattering.

Veronica: It’s for the sake of Evan, remember? Now let’s just go inside, put our phones away, and try to raise a baby!

Heather M.: Alright, let’s do this!

**They go into the cottage, forgetting Evan was still outside...**

Heather C./Heather D./Heather M.: You left the baby!

Veronica: I know!  **She runs out the cottage, picks up Evan, and takes him inside** Don’t tell your mom.

**Thirteen years have gone by since Evan’s Christening. Squip continued his search for the prince, but with no luck**

Squip:  **He takes his frustration out on one of his guards, by putting them in a chokehold** Where is that prince?! We have been searching for thirteen years!

Guard:  **Choking** We-we’ve checked the castle, the next kingdom, the village, the other village, caves, dungeons, t-that tower with the boy who has the long hoodie sleeves, the place where that girl with the glass slipper used to live, the gingerbread house-

Squip: And?

Guard: Nothing!

Squip: Did you check the castle with the talking furniture?

Guard: Yeah, not there either.

Squip: Well, look again  **He releases the guard from the chokehold** I need to see that curse in action!

Guard: Did you seriously hold a thirteen-year grudge?

Squip: Don’t judge. There’s nothing wrong with being upset over not getting invited to a christening… That everyone was invited to.

**Three more years have gone by, and Squip still hasn't discovered where Evan was hidden. Evan over the years had become a good looking young man, thanks to Heather C.’s gift.**

**The fairies, now just normal women are in the cottage, looking through a sewing book, trying to find an outfit to sew for Evan’s sixteenth birthday**

Heather D.: What about this one?  **She points to one of the pages** The design looks amazing.

Heather C.: I’m leaning more towards…  **She flips through some pages, then stops** This one.

Heather M.: How about a tailcoat? That would look nice.

Veronica: I think I saw one on page eight.

Heather C.: We should make it red.

Heather D.: No, green.

Heather M.: Yellow!

Veronica: I think Evan would prefer blue.

**They begin arguing on a color for the outfit, but then Evan interrupts their bickering**

Evan: Guys?

**Seeing him, they quickly stop arguing and hide the book**

Heather M.: Happy Birthday, sweetie!

Evan: Thanks! Oh, and I just finished sweeping the living room.

Heather D.: Wonderful! Now… Go pick some berries.

Evan: Again? That’s the third time this week.

Heather D.:  **Trying to come up with an excuse** Uuh... Birds always take the berries when we’re not looking!

Evan: Well, okay.  **He grabs a basket off of a table, then leaves**

Veronica: Love you!

**Once they hear the front door close, they sigh with relief. Heather Duke sets the book back on the table**

Veronica: Think he suspects anything?

Heather C.: Not a thing… I still can’t believe we made it to his sixteenth birthday. Soon we’ll have to take him back to Heidi.

Heather M.: I know, right? We raised him so well. Especially me, when I taught him his first word.

Heather D.: Yeah, but I taught him how to read.

Heather M.: But I taught him how to cook. That’s a good skill.

Heather D.: He needs to be able to read the cookbook. You’re welcome.

Heather C.: I taught him how to speak, you’re both welcome!

Veronica: Well, I taught him how to kill people, and make it look like a suicide!...

Heather C:... You did what?

**Sometime later, the fairies are making the dress using white fabric. The outfit consists of a shirt with puffed sleeves and slits. The outfit also has under-sleeves with cuffs, and trousers**

Heather M.: Now for color…  **She looks around, making sure no one is looking** Are the doors locked?

Heather D.: Yeah, and the curtains are closed. You’re good.

**Heather M. summons her phone, and uses it to cast a spell on the plain white outfit, making it a bright, vibrant yellow with hints of gray**

Veronica: Perfect.

Heather C.: Yellow. Really? Make it red.  **She summons her phone, and casts a spell on the outfit, making it red and black**

Heather D.: I’m leaning more towards green.  **She summons her phone, and turns the outfit green and black**

Heather C.: We’re making it red!  **She turns the outfit red again**

**The Heathers continue casting color-changing spells, often hitting each other, and the furniture, while Veronica looks on, unimpressed. The results end with the outfit becoming a mess of colors**

Veronica: … Are you guys done?... Okay. She summons her phone, and casts a spell on the outfit.  **The shirt becomes blue, the puffed sleeves turn pastel blue with white slits. The under-sleeves turn white, and the cuffs become pastel blue, and the trousers turn a dark blue** Now that’s a royal birthday outfit!

Heather C.: Well, he does look good in blue and white. I guess this will have to do.

**As the fairies admire Veronica’s work, a raven watches them from the windowsill, then flies away. The raven continues flying until it reaches Squire's castle in the dark part of the land, and perches itself on Squip’s shoulder**

Squip: What have you found?

**The raven squawks, but Squip seems to understand it, and smirks**

Squip: So, the fairies have him… God! How did I not see that?! They’re his godmothers, for Christ’s sake.

**Back in the good part of the land, Evan continues to pick berries in the forest while a few woodland critters follow him. Birds place flowers in his hair, and squirrels and bunnies lead him to more berry bushes… It was so damn adorable, especially when he started humming a song.**

**As he was picking berries from another bush, he heard rustling from behind a bush**

Evan: … Hello? Is someone there?

**A figure covered with a black cloak emerges, scaring Evan a bit**

Evan: Um… Who are you?

**The figure removes their cloak to reveal a man with long brown silky hair. Connor Murphy**

Connor: Sorry ‘bout that. Did I scare you?

Evan: … Uh, no. Not at all… I’m Evan.

Connor: Connor. So, what are you doing out here by yourself?

Evan: Oh! W-well, My godmothers asked me to pick berries. We keep running out somehow. What about you? Wh-what are you doing here alone?

Connor: My parents are assholes, and I didn’t feel like dealing with them. They want me to marry some guy I barely know.

Evan: Oh, that’s terrible. I can’t imagine how horrible that must be.

Connor: Yeah, and get this. He’s some dick my parents set me up with as soon as he was born.

Evan: Well that’s just not right! I mean, well- you should at least get to know him, and he should get to know you.  **He puts a comforting hand on Connor’s shoulder** Y-you can’t just get married when you don’t know a single thing about the other person.

Connor: Yes! Thank you!... I’m glad someone gets it… **He sees Evan smiling and starts blushing** Do you… Want help picking berries, or something?

Evan: … I’d like that.  **He takes Connor’s hand and leads him deep into the forest**

**Back at the cottage, the fairies are sitting on the couch, waiting for Evan to return**

Heather D.:  **Looking out the window** Where is that boy? We have to take him back to the castle.

**Evan enters the cottage, blushing madly, and his clothes look a little wrinkled**

Veronica: There you are! Where have you been?

Heather C.: Why are your clothes jacked up?

Evan: Uh… I- **Heather C. gets up and examines his neck** What are you doing?

Heather C.: Is that a hickey?!

Evan: No! I just- I-I fell on a rock, and i-it scratched my neck!

Heather D.: Yeah, sure it did! Who are they?! I want names!

Evan: He didn’t do anything else! And he’s really sweet. He likes me, and I like him.

Heather C.: What’re we going to tell your mother?!

Evan: Mother? But, you four are the only family I have.

Heather M.:  **Sighs** Sweetie, it’s time you learned the truth... You’re actually a prince, and you’re already betrothed to another prince.

Evan: Wh… What?! So the four of you kidnapped me? And lied to me for sixteen years?!

Veronica: No! We didn’t kidnap you! And we were doing this to protect you!

Evan: Well, I don’t want to marry some prince I don’t even know! I love someone else!

Heather C.: Alright, you’re grounded! Don’t come out until the carriage arrives to pick us up!

Evan: I hate you all!  **He runs upstairs to his room in a huff**

Veronica: Ugh!  **She slouches on the couch** Teenagers.

**Sometime later at the Hansen’s Castle, the staff decorate the throne room for Evan’s birthday**

Jared:  **To Veronica** So, how’s he taking the news?

Veronica: Not well. He won’t come out of his room. He’s just mad because he can’t date this boy he met in the woods.

Jared: Well, when he meets the prince, he’ll forget all about that guy.  **Chuckles** It’s kinda funny.

Heather C.: What is?

Jared:  **Laughs** You didn’t hear? Okay, okay! Get this! He…  **Continues laughing** The prince fell in love with some boy in the woods, too! I bet the four of them were banging right next to each other and didn’t even know it! Ha!

Heather C.:  **She comes to a realization** You guys don’t think…

Heather M.: … Nah.

**Evan room- He cries into his pillow, wishing he could reunite with Connor and not go through with the arranged marriage. He’s too upset to notice the electric blue mist spread around his room**

_ Evan… _

**He looks up from his pillow, scared of the unfamiliar voice**

Evan: … Who’s in here?

_ Come to the tower… _

**Mesmerized by the voice, Evan complies and goes to the tower. Once he’s in the tower, he finds a blue cell phone sitting on a pedestal, the only thing that stands out in the pitch-black room**

_ Call him, Evan… Call him… _

**Robotically, Evan walks over to the pedestal. His hand hovers over the phone**

_ Call him… And you’ll be together forever... _

**Evan finally grabs the phone, but as soon as his hand makes contact with it, he is electrocuted, fulfilling the curse, and falls to the floor. The blue fog gathers and takes the form of Squip, who smirks as he stands over Evan’s unconscious body. He opens a window and sees the sun setting**

Squip: Goodbye, your highness.  **He hits his staff against the floor and disappears into a puff of black smoke**

**The fairies barge into the room and find Evan on the floor**

Veronica: NO! Squip found him!

Heather C.: We are the worst godmothers ever!

**Evan’s body has been placed on a bed in the castle’s tallest tower, his mother, the fairies, and the castle staff watch over his peaceful, sleeping body**

Heather M.: Your majesty, we are so sorry.

Heidi: Don't blame yourselves.  **Choking back a few tears** I just can’t believe I won’t… Be here when he wakes up!  **She breaks down in tears and Jared consoles her**

Heather C.: Well, we could put you in suspended animation. You would fall asleep, and wake up when Evan does.

Heidi:  **She thinks about this option, and soon comes to a decision** Let’s do it. Cast the spell on the kingdom.

Heather D.: Of course. We suggest you get in comfortable positions.

**The fairies go around the kingdom, casting their spell on everyone, even the animals. They’re all asleep, and won’t be waking up until Evan does**

**The fairies wait outside the castle for the arrival of the prince so they could break the news to him**

Veronica: I hope he takes it well.

Heather D.: Oh yeah, I’m sure he will. “Hey, your husband-to-be is asleep, and won’t wake up for a hundred years! By then, you’ll be dead.” Yeah, that’s a great conversation.

**A horse-drawn carriage makes its way to the castle. The prince steps out, revealing it to be Connor from the woods**

Connor: Alright. Where is this guy?

Heather D.: Well, good news! You can marry the boy you met in the forest!

Connor: Why? What happened?

Heather C.: The prince is… Unable to perform his duties.

Connor: What the hell does that mean?

Veronica: Okay, I’m just gonna say it. The prince had a curse placed on him when he was a baby, he’d fall asleep for a hundred years if he touched a cell phone, and a kiss from someone he truly loved would wake him up.

Connor: … So, I can marry Evan?

Heather D.: What?… No! You can’t marry Evan, he’s asleep! Did you not listen to us?

Connor: I did. The Prince is asleep, so I can marry Evan.

Heather C.: No, Evan’s asleep.

Connor: Wait, Evan? Blonde? Blue eyes? Kinda short? Bit of a stutter?

Veronica: Yeah, that’s the prince- Oooh!… So, you’re the guy he met in the woods. And we told him he- Oh my God! I feel pretty stupid right now.

Connor: What the fuck is going on?

Heather M.: Connor, you have to save him! Evan won’t wake up unless you kiss him!

Connor: … Just to be clear, the Evan we’re talking about is the one I made out with in the woods, right?

Heather M.: Yes!  Now go save him!

Heather D.: And hurry! Squip knows you’re here!  **She looks up and sees a dark blue fog surrounding the castle.** **She summons her phone and conjures a sword and shield for Connor to wield** You’ll need these. Now go!

**Thick black vines block the castle entrance. Connor cuts through them with the sword and enters the castle where he finds more black vines on the walls and wrapped around the sleeping castle staff who are lying on the floor, or leaning against the furniture. He makes his way into the throne room and finds Squip, sitting on the thorned throne, and using Jared, who is still asleep, as an ottoman**

Squip: Prince Connor, what a pleasure.

Connor: So you’re Squip.  **He draws his sword**

Squip: Do you really think a pitiful sword,  **He gets up from the throne** can defeat the most powerful being in this kingdom?!  **A circle of fire surrounds him and rises higher. The flames fade, and in Squip’s place is a black dragon with blue horns, and glowing red eyes**

Connor: Oh, shit.  **He puts up his shield as Squip breathes fire in his direction** Fuck this shit!  **He runs through the halls of the castle, Squip hot on his trail as he breathes fire, burning tapestries, curtains, and paintings**

**Connor attempts to escape the dragon’s wrath comes to an end when Squip has him cornered. Seeing the dragon taking a breath, Connor puts up his shield to block the fire. He sees the sword in his holster glowing brightly and knows what he has to do. He draws his sword, aims, and throws it at the dragon’s chest. Blood pours out as Squip screeches in pain, and blue flames surround him. They’re so bright that Connor has to shield his eyes. When he can’t feel the heat from the flames anymore, he looks and sees his bloody sword on the floor. Squip is nowhere in sight**

**The job is done. Connor walks around the castle and eventually finds the entrance to the tower that holds Evan. After climbing a stairwell that seemed to go on forever, Connor finally makes it up to Evan’s room, where he finds Heidi and two maids kneeling by the foot of the Prince’s bed, asleep. Connor makes his way to the bed, and takes in the Prince’s beautiful features. He leans down and plants a kiss on Evan's lips. A few seconds go by, and Evan wakes up**

Connor: Hey.

Evan: Hi… So, are your parents still assholes?

Connor: Very much.  **He kisses Evan again**

**All over the kingdom, people wake up, and the vines disappear, letting everyone know that their prince has woken up. Heidi is the last to wake up, and finds the two Prince’s making out passionately on the bed**

Heidi: … Should I leave you two alone?

_ Weeks later, Connor and Evan got married, happy that they didn’t marry total strangers, the kingdom got their phones back, and everyone lived happily ever after... Except for Squip. He died. _

**The End**


End file.
